Moments of Grace

Today was a busy one, to say the least…thus the late hour of my writing! From the moment I awoke today, activity and distraction hounded me. There are so many things that go into planning a homegoing service…I had no idea! My mind was spinning for a good part of the day as I tried to remember everything that I had to do to prepare for tomorrow and Wednesday. I am very much a planner and I thrive when I work on projects. So, I naturally began to kick in gear and start the ball rolling with many irons in the fire at the same time. I welcomed the distractions today. All the busyness helped to keep my mind active, and saved me somewhat from the intensity of emotional pain for a bit.

I realized as the day went on, that the Lord was showing me many little moments of grace in my life. There were several times throughout the day that things were not working out, and my flesh was tested quite often. One particular moment took place during an encounter with a customer service rep for a photo printing place. The pictures I had ordered for funeral preparations, and which were confirmed to be picked up, were not there. I was not offered any solution or treated kindly, to say the least. Under normal circumstances, this would have tried and bothered me to no end…and, shamefully, I would have acted on my displeasure! Today of all days, when emotions are high, and patience is low, I could have easily crumbled under the pressure of it all. But, for some strange reason, I felt that familiar peace and stability again that has kept me since Mom first went into the hospital. I literally felt the presence of the Lord in that moment. I knew that I was not able to keep it together in myself, but I didn’t have to work anything up…the Holy Spirit showed great grace upon me, and helped to keep me calm. In the end, I did get a solution to the problem, but I left that situation amazed at how the Lord was so gracious to me to help still the storm inside of my heart.

There were more instances of roadblocks and challenges throughout the day, and each time I still felt that calm that only Jesus can give.

I am not sure what to expect tomorrow at the visitation and Wednesday at the funeral. The emotions come in waves. Sometimes I feel like I have a handle on it all, and other times I just crumble under the weight of grief. I will continue to take this walk one day at a time and trust the Lord for more of His grace and mercy to carry me through the rough waters ahead.

I am not sure how much longer I will be writing these daily updates, but for now it gives me perspective, brings healing, and calms my chaos. I am truly thankful for the many little moments of grace that Jesus gives. I would not want to be walking this journey without His loving hand holding mine.