Letting Go and Letting God

Two months ago to the day (yesterday), my daughter heart was crushed at the unexpected and fairly sudden passing of my mother. Today, my mama heart is hurting...in a different way.

So here comes our news:

Just over a week ago, we had no indication or warning that our lives would be taking another turn. But life has a funny way of sneaking up on us unannounced. Our oldest child had been contemplating some options to pursue during the winter months. Due to everything that we had been going through, he placed his future on hold to make sure we were okay. That is his way -- always caring for others before focusing on himself. When he knew that we were okay and doing well (especially after my surgery), he seriously began to look at options. After completing other education while at home recently, he decided to switch gears to consider pursuing a degree in another province. Things tend to happen very quickly in our lives, and this would be no different! Well, he woke up a week ago last Friday and decided to apply to a university in another province for this winter term; even after the university had started for the semester. Miraculously, he was accepted just three days later (and granted an entrance scholarship as well)! So, we threw everything into our vehicle and headed across the province to catch the ferry on Monday of last week. And what an adventure it has been...from closed highways, to stormy conditions with snow squalls, to cancelled ferry runs due to weather (and rough crossings), to being stuck on the west coast for a couple of days! Traveling in Canada during the winter months is not for the faint of heart!

My mama's heart is going through some new and different emotions right now. We left our son yesterday to head back home. And that was tough. Tears seem to be my constant companion for the past couple of months. We have not been apart from our son for very long at all throughout the years. I started homeschooling him in 2007, and have homeschooled our children ever since. He has been my buddy... always there, basically 24/7. As a homeschool family, we are very close-knit. We are together A LOT! We see the good, the bad, and the ugly of one another! But, the bonus is that we have grown so close over the years.

I knew that a day like this could be coming, but I'm not gonna lie -- a part of me just wanted to hang on to him for good! I am currently feeling a mix of emotions right now: joyful in seeing our son spreading his wings, excited for what is ahead for him, proud of his heart and accomplishments, sad that he won't be around everyday, heartsick for the new normal in our lives again. This sadness is a different one. There is a hole in my heart missing him terribly, but so happy for the Lord's leading in his life.

The letting go of a mama with her child is an act of trust in releasing their lives to the Lord to oversee and protect. When Jochebed placed Moses in the Nile River to hide him from Pharoah's sword, she not only covered him as well as she could with a basket of reeds, but she let him go to an unknown and scary world awaiting him, while placing her faith in the Lord. It amazes me that God not only protected Moses from death, but He also made a way for Moses to come back to Jochebed again for her to raise... and she was actually hired by Pharoah's daughter to do so! What an unexpected, abundant blessing!

I had no idea when I turned 50 last year what would be on the horizon for my life. I lost my mother in November, had health issues and subsequent surgery in December, and now my boy (a grown man now!) is leaving the nest. Not sure what my heart is made of, but I am entrusting it into the Lord's hands to keep me steady and healthy through all of these transitions.

If you are a mama in the same boat with children leaving the nest, I pray that you wil place your trust for their lives in the hands of Jesus. He will oversee and take over where you have left off. You will still have a very large part in their lives; just in a new and different capacity. I know that this mama will go through a time of adjusting and continually trusting in God's plan. I am learning to let go and let God.