Into The Unknown

The wind is howling tonight. Winter came upon us with a vengeance. Normally our Decembers are fairly mild, with the bulk of the snow heading our way sometime in January. But not this year. We were snow-free until the day of Mom's homegoing service. Winter is here. It's angry and it's ugly tonight.

I have gone through many storms in my life, and almost all of those storms were angry and ugly, and hit without warning. I would love to say that I was prepared and able to handle those storms... walking in faith, being strong and handling whatever came my way. But, if I did, I'd be lying. I crumbled under the weight of those storms many times. I came face to face with my inadequacies, and did not release full control to Jesus. I frequently tried to take things into my own hands, and would just make an absolute mess of it.

Looking back, I can see the hand of the Lord patiently and gently guiding me in each of those situations. He would, at times, correct me and humble me. I am thankful for those difficult, dying-to-self, moments. I believe those moments have helped to prepare me for the storm that raged into our family just a few short weeks ago. I still feel extremely ill-prepared in myself to face each day, but it is in daily dependence upon Jesus and His promises that I am able to continue walking this journey.

We are now in unknown territory. Mom is no longer with us. She was the matriarch of our family and was such an integral part of our lives. We now have to learn to navigate through this life without her presence. This will not be easy. We have never been this way before. We will need to depend on the Lord for each step of this new path that we are on.

Yesterday, we laid Mom to rest. Today I received a phone call from my doctor regarding my current health issue. I am trying to navigate in this new realm, and still deal with my own health issues. I know many of you have been asking how things are regarding my health. I was told a few weeks ago that I had a large complex ovarian cyst that needed more investigation. This week, my doctor shared that the MRI results came back. Praise the Lord, it is a benign tumor! I am truly thankful that it is nothing more serious than that... although the pain is still very real and, at times, debilitating. I will be meeting with my doctor next week to discuss a plan and date for surgery. This is unknown territory for me as well. As much as my flesh wants to turn and run the opposite way from these paths that I am now walking, I know that only in releasing my control, letting go of fear, and trusting in the Lord with my whole heart, will I be able to walk through the fire unsinged.

I am walking into unknown territory. The path is dark and uncertain, but the Word of the Lord is a lamp unto me feet. When we don't know which way to take our next step, the Bible, and our intimate relationship with Jesus, will provide what we need. Trust your unknown territory to the God who knows all.