In The Stillness

The week between Christmas and New Year’s has always been somewhat of a lazy, albeit boring at times, period of time for me. Normally, it is very welcome in my crazy, busy life. This year, this in-between-time has been especially draggy, as I am still recuperating from my surgery. The quiet of this week is also making it that much lonelier, and causes Mom’s physical absence to feel more pronounced. I miss the times of just calling Mom to say, “what are you doing?”, for no reason…just to hear her voice and chat about the nothingness of each day. It’s hard not to grab my phone and call or text her about something. As the days go by, the reality of Mom not being here sets in more. This was our first Christmas without her. It was not a normal Christmas for me at all, as I have had to rest and take the time I need to recover from the pain and change in my body due to surgery. In a way, it made facing this Christmas a little easier, as it didn’t really seem like Christmas to me at all. Although, I certainly missed Mom!

I have spent much time in stillness and quiet, especially over the past couple of days. The activity of Christmas is settled down, and now I am spending more time with just my thoughts. and with Jesus. I so desperately want to hear from Him during this time. I feel like I haven’t been able to spend the time like I want to before Him. I have not gone to many church services in the past couple of months. I had already missed some services due to the physical pain I was experiencing in my own body before I was unable to in order to care for Mom in the hospital. Then, Mom was in the hospital. Then, her passing, Then, my surgery….with very little time in between.

I know that I need to be ministered unto. My heart has been through a lot and only the Lord can heal my heart properly. Sometimes it’s easy to put pressure on others or church or pastors to meet that need in our lives. But, it is in the stillness and quiet of my own prayer closet, that I receive some of the deepest touches from the Lord.

In I Kings 19, God revealed Himself to Elijah. As Elijah stood on the mountain and the Lord passed by, there was a great wind, then an earthquake, then a fire, but the Lord was not in any of those. After the fire, there was a still small voice. This is how the Lord revealed Himself to Elijah. In a Still…Small…Voice.

We, as humans, often look for the big noises in our lives. We want a magnificent word from someone, or a powerful time at the altar in order for the Lord to get our attention, or for our needs to be met. But, God is always speaking. He is longing for our attention in the day to day mundane routine of our lives. He longs for intimacy and for the desire of our hearts. This can only happen in the secret place with Jesus. In taking the time out to not only talk to Him, but to listen.

I have asked the Lord to reveal Himself to me during this time. I have seen the Lord working many times throughout in my life, and I have felt the Lord many times as well. Powerful services and words of the Lord are great, but that is not what has kept me through all of this chaos in my life. It is through a personal, one-on-one, relationship with the Saviour of my soul that I have been able to walk through this valley.

Now that I am older, I welcome the quiet. I welcome the stillness. I am looking forward to hearing from Jesus. And in the stillness of my days, I welcome Him.