I Still Believe

Writing is my happy place. So many times in my life I have found solace in pouring my heart and soul out through journalling. It brings healing in my life, and I find myself in this moment in desperate need of healing. And so, I write...

The past few days have been surreal. Mom’s battle with cancer was fought in such a short period of time, that it still does not seem real to me. Until the pain becomes very real. I have heard it said that grief comes in waves, and it is so true. It is a constant pendulum between moments of peace and uncontrollable tears. Pain comes in so many levels. I have experienced physical pain, and I have experienced emotional pain throughout my life. But far more intense and unmatched is the pain of a broken, shattered heart. It is a pain that only the Lord can heal.

Today was another difficult day. Arrangements have to be made for Mom, and walking into the funeral home for the first time made things very real, very quickly. It was something that I never in a million years had pictured for our family. We walk by faith, we believe in not only a saving God, but a healing God. We believe that signs, wonders, and miracles will follow those who believe. And yet, we are sitting in a funeral home. I am living in a moment when belief and reality collide. Why would the Lord heal Dad in 1981 of aggressive cancer, and not Mom? Questions like this are not new. We can ask the same questions when we go to the Word. Why would James be beheaded while John was protected and died of old age? We don’t know the answers; only the Lord does. We don’t know the end from the beginning, but God does. We are called to walk in faith…that means to believe in Him and trust Him in ALL things. His purposes for us on this earth are ultimately for His glory to be seen through our lives as we bring light to this dark world. Mom lived a life of sacrifice and commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ. A testament to her influence on this earth can be seen by the outpouring of messages from those whose lives she touched. I am truly grateful to see the legacy that Mom left.

Although the outcome from this past week was not one that we had hoped and prayed for, I still believe in a God who can and will heal. The Bible says it, so I believe it.