How Beautiful

For the past few weeks, I feel like I have been in a whirlwind — a whirlwind of storms, battles, and activity. Mom’s visitation was last Tuesday, her homegoing service last Wednesday, and her committal on Thursday. Yesterday was a hard day, as well, as we entered into a new era of church without Mom. As hard as it was, we pressed through for her, and for Jesus…we continue on in our race. My mind has been on hyperdrive with so many tough decisions, planning, and activity for the events of this past week. Today was the first day that I began the regular, mundane way of life with no actively pressing preparations. And so…my first run to Costco in a few weeks.

I had a little bit of trepidation heading out into the shopping jungle again, especially today with snow in the forecast. The parking lot was packed full, and my first attempt to go ended up in me running away. I didn’t have the nerve to find parking and head into the maze of faces. To be honest, I really did not want to see anyone I knew. Not yet. I’m just not so sure how I would react if someone asked me how I was doing. It would either not affect me at all, or I could end up bursting into tears. In difficult situations in the past, I would end up doing the latter. I would be fine until someone asked me how I was doing. Then, my emotions, at times, would become uncontrollable.

My second attempt into Costco was much better. I was dropped off at the door and I made my way around without seeing anyone I knew. To be clear, I, in no way, would be upset by running into someone I knew. I would not want anyone to feel pressure that they would not be welcomed. My hesitation is solely on my part and not knowing what to expect of my fresh and fragile emotions.

As I was navigating the busy aisles, and contemplating my fear of seeing someone I knew, my mind went back to all of the love and concern so many have shown to us over the past few weeks. I reminded myself how kind and thoughtful everyone has been to us. The song, ‘How Beautiful’ by Twila Paris started playing over in my mind…”how beautiful is the body of Christ.”

Our family saw the beautiful body of Christ in action when Mom first went into the hospital. People from all over the world were praying for our family. So many shared encouraging words with us, offered prayers, delivered food, sent along Tim’s cards…the list is endless. I have been serving the Lord, as part of the body of Christ, for well over three decades, and I can honestly say that I have never seen I Corinthians 12:26 displayed so profoundly before in my life: “…if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honoured, all the members rejoice with it.”

We were suffering big time. And the body of Christ, our brothers and sisters, held up our arms. They encouraged and strengthened us in our time of need. People reached out to us from all different backgrounds. There was no division. There were no ulterior motives. Just genuine love, compassion, and concern for us. In our deepest sorrow, we felt so accepted and held. As my mind played all of this out, my heart became so full.

So, if you see me, you are welcome to speak to me. No more hiding on my part. It is all a part of healing. I will face those fears. And will welcome the beautiful body of Christ with open arms.