His Grace Is Greater

It's 6 am right now. I decided to finally get out of bed at 4...I just can't sleep. I have had some nights lately where sleep seems to evade me, but this is the worst yet. No amount of tossing and turning has helped — my mind is on hyperdrive. There's just a lot going on.

We have encountered many firsts on this journey since Mom's passing last November, and last week we entered into another week of 'firsts'. Last Thursday we began our outreach children's program again for the spring semester. It was the first time in 30 years that Mom was not there. When Dad and Mom felt called back to Newfoundland in 1995, the backbone of their new ministry was Kid Connection. They had a heart for children and their families to learn about Jesus. We certainly missed Mom at our program last week and felt her absence. But we know that she would want us to put our whole heart and soul into reaching these children and pouring into their lives. It was always a highlight of each week for her.

Then, Easter weekend was upon us. It was different having Good Friday and Easter Sunday without Mom. Her absence feels so tangible in services like that. My birthday happened to fall on Easter Sunday as well, and the culmination of events just created a perfect storm of grief to envelope me once again. I know it was especially hard for Dad this past weekend. Mom was always by Dad's side in all of our church services. When you saw one, you were bound to see the other. She was a quiet but strong soul, and was the glue that held everything together. We have tried our best to manage all of the affairs that she did, but it will never be the same without her. As for celebrations…there will always be an empty seat now.

I can't even imagine what heaven must be like during Easter. Mom is now experiencing the fullness of her Saviour. What she had believed in by faith, she is now seeing by sight. That thought alone gives me much comfort on tough days.

Over the past couple of months I have gone through many days somewhat robotically or with a sense of feeling like I am on autopilot. For a while I was thinking that I was just experiencing numbness to the reality that Mom died so suddenly and was taken from us before we could really process that she was even sick. I have often wondered if everything will come crashing down one day and I will just buckle under the weight of grief. But, as the days come and go, a still, small voice has begun to echo inside of me. At first, I could sense something like a whisper from miles away in my spirit. But since this Easter weekend, I purposely have been quieting my soul and listening to that whisper. Over and over in my heart now, I hear these words: “My grace is sufficient.” That promise and revelation awakened my thoughts and senses over the past couple of days. I am not continually walking in numbness. I don’t have to fear that I will wake up one day and not be able to handle the pain. I am being carried by the nail-scarred hand of my Saviour. He alone has carried me when I was too weak to feel like carrying on. He supplies His grace to those who are weak. And I am eternally grateful that He does.

His grace is what holds me together. I know that in myself, I am not capable of being able to go through each day of pain, grief, and loss — I am an emotional person and sometimes I fear that I will give in to my feelings too much. But the grace that Jesus gives to His children to get through each day is one of the greatest promises that He provides. He will not give us more than we can handle, although at times it may feel like it. When we live a life of complete surrender to His will and HIs ways, we will walk in the grace and mercy of Christ’s love. We may wonder how we are getting through each day and even feel shock at the peace that we can experience. That is how Paul in Philippians 4:7 described that peace that God gives…it even surpasses our understanding.

My dear friend, if you are suffering any kind of loss, pain, or brokenness, bring your needs to the Master. Jesus is ready and willing to help you and hold you through anything you may be going through. Don’t look to temporary fixes to numb your pain. They never last, and will only make things worse. Jesus’ love for you is insurmountable and His grace is readily available. Release your broken heart to His loving care, and before long you will look back and see that He has carried you through your darkest valleys. No matter what comes your way, His grace is greater.