Faith Over Fear

One of my favourite verses in the Bible is found in Isaiah 41:10: “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand”.

I struggled with fear for a long time. I'm not sure when it started in my life. I don't know if fear came on me at the tender age of 5 when Dad was diagnosed with bone cancer, or if it was something that just came upon me as I grew older. I was fairly quiet and timid as a child — trying my best not to get into trouble. But fear would raise is ugly head at various times in my life as I entered into young adulthood.

After I graduated from Bible College and was about to head to South Korea to teach English, fear gripped me so intensely that I had to sleep with my Bible under my pillow. There were several times that I would run out of a building just to breathe; feeling like there was not enough air in the room for me. The thought of living so far away from what I knew and loved was too much for me. Thankfully, the Lord reached down with His loving hand and held me; helping me to overcome my fear during that time.

I know how debilitating fear can be, but I have also seen the miraculous hand of the Lord to deliver me from that fear. At times, I knew I had to repent for allowing fear to take a hold of my heart. Other times, I knew I needed to receive prayer to help me overcome. But, some of the most profound times in my life where faith overcame my fear is when I would just simply sit at the feet of Jesus and completely trust Him with childlike faith.

I am now facing another opportunity to trust Jesus completely with a very uncertain and scary time in my life. As some of you know, I have been dealing with a health issue for the past few months. I have had testing done on a large ovarian cyst that causes me quite a bit of pain. Tonight I received a phone call from my doctor. I will be having surgery in just over a week.

I am a medical anomaly, and a complex person (in many ways!), and what may seem routine for most people, is quite complex, challenging, and risky for me. I was born without an IVC (main vein to my organs). To compensate, my body created many collateral veins, which give the appearance of the roots of a tree inside of me. Because of this congenital anomaly, I am prone to extensive life-threatening blood clots. The surgery scheduled for me is not a run-of-the-mill surgery due to some complexities. I am so thankful to the Lord for the times He has protected my life in the past, and I know He is looking after me now.

My flesh within me is not wanting to go down this road. I just want to close my eyes and pretend none of this is happening. But, I know I can’t. My faith must overcome my fear. The Bible is full of promise after promise from the Lord, and He promised to never leave me or forsake me. Faith is simply believing in who Jesus is and what He said in His Word. I choose to trust the Lord with childlike faith.

Right now I feel as if I am standing at the edge of a cliff, about to jump off…and I am trusting the Lord to catch me as I fall.