A Year Of Firsts

Time is a funny thing. It stops for no one. As tempting as it is to just sit and do nothing right now, I know that I have to keep on living and moving ahead. Mom would want me to keep on keeping on.

Christmas is on the horizon and I can't wrap my head around it. Every year around this time, Mom would famously say, "I'm in no mood for Christmas." The fast pace at which Christmas would seem to creep up on us each year, and the busyness that would ensue, would always get an initial exclamation like this from Mom…and I would always smile and chuckle. Because sure enough, in a day or two, Mom would have her Christmas tree up and her house beautifully decorated for the season. That is one quality that I wish I had inherited from Mom -- her knack for decorating. Sadly, it seems to have skipped over me!

Mom loved Christmas. But more than the season, she loved having her family around. It is hard to lose a loved one so close to Christmas…it will be tough. This will be a year of firsts for us. Our first Christmas without Mom, our first New Year’s, first birthdays without her, first Mother's Day, and possibly, our first Florida trip without Mom. All of these events will now be missing someone so dear to us.

We walk this journey one day at a time. And we will walk it one hour at a time if necessary. The Lord promised us in Deuteronomy 31:6, that “He is the one who goes with [us], He will not leave [us] or forsake [us].” He is always there to hold us when we hurt, and give us strength and courage when we feel we are failing.

I know that moving ahead can be a very difficult and scary concept. But, staying still is of no benefit to me or anyone else. Christmas is coming and I can’t stop it. As hard as it may be for us, we need to press on and enjoy Christmas as much as we can for Mom. Although she is not here with us, the memories will always be in our hearts…something that we will cherish forever.

As I enter into this year of firsts, I look up to my Lord to help me navigate this new territory. I want to grieve in a healthy way, while at the same time, allowing Him to heal my heart the way that only Jesus can. He will walk me through these ‘first’ events. He has never left me before. And I know that He won’t leave me now.