A New Day

“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I hope in Him’. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.” Lamentations 3:22-25

The fierce winds blew all last night and into today. Howling winds always give me a lonely feeling at night. It reminds me of when we would visit my grandparents in Twillingate at Mom’s homestead growing up. Their home was overlooking the ocean on the cliffs of Crow Head. The winds were merciless in that corridor of the world, especially in the winter season. Time and again I would be lying awake in the bed of the guest room listening to the howling of the wind and feeling like we were the only ones on the face of the earth. I always stayed in the blue room. Nan and Pop’s house had a blue room, a pink room, a yellow room and a green room. Not sure if it was a small community or outport thing, but it brings fond memories just to recall those rooms. Lying in the bed listening to the wind whistling through the thin panes of glass made me feel so alone. Like there was no one else around in all of Newfoundland.

That is the feeling that I had last night as I tossed and turned listening to the wind rattle the house. I survived the night, and even slept a little, and awoke to a new day. Although the winds were still blowing, the sun was now shining and I felt the newness of the morning...a new day was upon us in the literal sense, and figurative as well. All of the activity of visitations, funeral preparations, and family visits were now over. Now this new way of life begins.

As the sun shone through the kitchen window at Dad’s house, I felt that same peace that has kept me over the past few weeks. I was reminded of the passage of scripture in Lamentations that talks about the Lord’s mercies being new every morning. His faithfulness is so great, and His compassions never fail. I read that passage, and continued on for a couple of verses until I came to, “the Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.” It is easy to take for granted that the Lord will be faithful to us and never leave us, but it is important to remember that the Lord will pour out His goodness on those who seek Him. It is an active participation on our part — we must wait on the Lord and seek His face daily.

Whenever I think of the Lord’s mercies being new every morning, it gives me an image of a fresh start each and everyday. This was a new day, and started out somewhat normal…for a change. I had a couple of errands to run and some cleaning to be done. For an extremely small portion of the day, I almost forgot the events of the past few weeks. But, I have come to learn that in the journey of grief, things can change on a dime.

We have been staying with Dad as much as possible over the past several days. I was home for a while today and when I went back to Dad’s, the emptiness of Mom’s missing presence was overwhelming. I felt such a hole in my heart. It is a pain that cannot be described, and never fully understood unless someone else has experienced it for themselves. If the emptiness in my heart felt so strong to me tonight, I can’t even imagine how painful it must be for Dad. They spent almost every minute of each day together. They were inseparable. This will definitely be an adjustment.

The empty and sad feeling I felt tonight was present right up until I began to write again. It has been such an important part of my healing to pour out my heart through journalling.

Tomorrow is a new day. It will be our first time in church services without Mom. It will be tough. But, I have an assurance in my heart that the Lord is looking after us. He is a faithful God. And His mercies are new every morning.