A Light In The Darkness

"...the light shines in the darkness..." John 1:5

I felt to share my journalling with you all again today. I really don't know how I ended up sharing all of these personal thoughts and ramblings with you all over the past couple of months. It just kind of happened. Some people ask me to write something everyday, and I really appreciate the encouragement. As much as I enjoy writing and would love to do it every single day, I don't want it to become a ritual or feel pressure to do it just for the sake of doing it. I write for other reasons. If I need to make sense of things happening in my mind or life, I write. If I feel an urgency in my spirit to document something the Lord is sharing with me, I write. And if I have a longing to feel Jesus near to me, I write. I know that my writing can be raw, and I apologize if it makes anyone feel uncomfortable. I want to be real. Authenticity is very important to me. What I may be going through one day, may be completely different from what I go through the next. And writing helps me to make sense of the sometimes unexpected, unplanned, and messy journey we call life.

I am the first to admit that I am an emotional person. For some strange, miraculous reason, the Lord has helped to keep my emotions steady over the past few weeks in this journey. Today, though, I must admit that I woke up emotional. Nothing too overwhelming -- just the grief hitting a different way today. I thought of the dreams and desires that Mom had while she was with us. It just made me a little sad that, in my mind, she didn't see fulfilled here on earth what she longed to see. She longed to see people turning to God, to see people healed and whole, and to see miracles. Our finite minds cannot understand why things happen or why they happen the way they do. God has never changed. He is the Author and Finisher of our faith. Although I may not understand everything, His ways are not my ways, nor His thoughts my thoughts.

As I began to think on this today, my thoughts gradually began to change and all of the wonderful things that Mom did experience here on this earth came to mind. She, alongside of Dad, dedicated her life to seeing the kingdom of heaven populated. And she saw so many powerful, God-ordained moments throughout their ministry. They saw souls saved, the sick healed, those who were bound delivered. Dad's miraculous healing of bone cancer alone saw them spend many more years together as husband and wife. So many people have reached out about how Mom touched them in ways that we had never known. It has brought such peace and joy to my heart to hear of the little ways, unbeknownst to us or maybe even Mom at the time, that she influenced others around her. Only heaven will reveal the full effect that our lives have had on other people for the kingdom of God and for His glory.

This morning I felt a little bit of the darkness that tries to creep in during the grieving process. The enemy never gives up trying to tear us down. His goal is to cover us in darkness with no hope in sight. But, if we see things from heaven's point of view, and find the good in an otherwise seemingly bad situation, the light will begin to pour into our darkness.

Circumstances have not changed for me today. Things are the exact same way tonight as they were this morning. But, my thought pattern has changed. Jesus has gently reminded me to see things a little differently... not to look at what is not happening now but to look at what has already taken place. To see the gift that we were given for so many years.

Over the past few months, I have heard of so many people going through such difficult times. My heart goes out to all of you. If you are sensing a time of darkness in your life right now, reach out to Jesus. Let Him hold your heart, let Him heal your pain, and let Him be your light in the darkness.